Trauma recovery model
October is “Domestic Violence Prevention Month.” This post is for those who have suffered from interpersonal violence, who have helped people who were victimized, and for those who love anyone who has been abused. In short, for all of us. Trauma may be a one-time event. More often, however, trauma occurs over time which has led to some clinicians referring to cumulative or “complex” trauma.
Judith Lewis Herman, in her book, Trauma and Recovery (1992), proposed a complex trauma recovery model that occurs in three stages:
Establish physical safety
Remember and mourn for what was lost
Reconnect with community and more broadly, society
Herman believes — and I agree — that recovery occurs within healing relationships provided the survivor is empowered by that relationship. Healing relationships are often not romantic or sexual; they include relationships with friends, co-workers, relatives, and therapists. The first stage of establishing safety must always include a thorough evaluation of the surroundings, which might include abusive relationships.
To establish safety we have to face denial. We are not at fault for the abuse against us and have to stop covering up what has been occurring. We may no longer rationalize, minimize, deny, or lie about our lives. Survivors may feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. Asking for help may seem impossible — Who? Where? Will I be taken seriously? Help is available: The U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799-7233. Countries around the world also have helplines. Fortunately domestic violence counseling is a part of curricula for many social workers, counselors, and therapists. Law enforcement and medical professionals also have opportunities to learn about needed interventions.
We grieve our hopes, expectations, good times, and the many promises for changes of behavior. We mourn for what might have been. Remembering and mourning may be experienced as sadness, anger, hopelessness, anxiety, and despair. There is no one way or right way to mourn. There is no straight line to healing. For me healing has been a spiral, even at times a labyrinth. I am grateful for people in my life who have said, “No need to do everything at once. Take the next indicated step.” Frequently I paused in between steps. During pauses I read a book, laughed with my son, danced around the living room, called friends to talk about…anything else. There were days I would think, “I’ve already dealt with this. Why am I feeling so awful?” Mindfulness practices would kick in and my next thoughts would be, “I have tools. Breathe deeply. These feelings will pass and will likely pass more quickly than the last time. What do I need right now?”
Reconnection and strengthening connections is on-going. Connecting with ourselves, ideas, nature, caring people, animals, spirit, the earth… I love that my world is large. Trauma isolates us and our world shrinks. Today I am a member of several communities. Am I always “on the go?” No. I am an introvert by nature and spend a fair amount of time alone; however, I do not disappear or abandon people. I know the difference between caring and controlling and pay attention to how I feel around others as well as my own motives with the intention of moving from my heart.
Be safe out there.
Healing is not linear and I believe we will always be recovering. But I believe that sharing our stories and connecting with others is all part of our growth. Can I add a link to your essay at the end of my essay about DV Month? Content warning, it is a strong piece with strong DV imagery in case you are not in a place to read that. https://substack.com/home/post/p-149762770
Well said, Shana